Yay! Mike and I survived our first Christmas with two kids! It wasn't as hard as we thought, though we did end up leaving a few things behind at some people's houses. Nothing important - and we remembered to bring each child with us each time!
Christmas this year was a lot different than other years, yet very much the same. Usually we open presents and run around to the following - My uncle's, my mother's, my father's, Mike's parent's, home, then somewhere else for dinner (usually Mike's parent's or my dad's house) This year was much more relaxed, even though we really only cut down on two trips - but we only cut out one location.
(I won't get too much into it, but we also kept the Christmas eve tradition of afternoon drinks at my Auntie Trish and Uncle Kevin's place, followed by dinner with Mike's parents)
This was also the first year we didn't have to wake Alice up. She was more than happy to spring awake at 5:30am with her sister while I was heating up the morning bottle. Alice checked her stocking and I had her play with the items in it while I fed Jane. We then woke Mike at 6 and begun opening presents. It took about ha;f an hour...this includes the five seconds it took for Mike to play that stupid 'fireplace' on our new tv. Hilariously cheesy.
After presents, I wanted a nap, but knew it wasn't going to happen, so I had Mike open the champagne so I could make my Christmas morning mamosas. It was rather hard polishing off a whole bottle of champagne given the fact I am the only one in my household who drinks.
At 9am we went to my Uncle Mark's for breakfast. He's my dad's brother. Of all the things we 'cut out' on our Christmas day activities, we could never cut that out. It isn't Christmas without it. Good food and I get to see all of my dad's side of the family in one place. We were told this year that we weren't doing gift exchanges for the kids - so of course, Mike and I are the only ones who thought we might actually stick to that rule this year - and we were, unfortunately, the only people who didn't bring gifts for the other kids - but they honestly don't mind. Christmas is actually about family for my family (though presents are always fun!)
After breakfast we went to Mike's parents. We had to wait for Mike's dad to get home from work - but we didn't have to wait long. He got in around 1pm. We did the gift exchange there and then we took Mike's brother, Matt, home with us. He was going to join us for dinner.
Now, this is where plans changed. 6 months ago I had invited my mom and stepdad over for Christmas dinner. We were going to have tacos. A week before Christmas those plans changed. It was now all up in the air because my sister and her boyfriend finally moved out of my mom's house and my Grandma is in the process of moving in - so mom and Randy had no idea if Grandma would be coming for dinner or staying behind at their house. And if my grandma Did come, we would have had to make her something different for dinner because she hates all things Mexcian. (Yet she is somehow not a racist...)
The plan changed Christmas day. I made an 'executive decision' as I like to call it. I was calling off dinner and just having mom and Randy over for gift exchange. We were going to go down to my dad's for dinner. Darlene always makes a mean meal. And the best gravy I have ever had. It is better than my mom's - yes, I actually admitted it online for the world to see. My stepmother makes better gravy than my mom...but that is only because she makes it nice and thick. My mom's gravy has the same flavour, but the thickness of Darlene's gives it the upper hand.
We went down to my dad's for dinner and we had Mike's bro with us. Mike's bro is a vegetarian, but he isn't the type that you have to fuss around. He doesn't need someone to make special provisions for him when a dinner is made. Dad and Darlene still fussed over it, though - worrying that perhaps he would be hungry if there wasn't enough non-meat foods...but when you think about it, the only meat on the table was the turkey. Everything else was either vegetable, fruit, or bread!
Dinner was great. We did a small gift exchange there and had a couple drinks and relaxed. Alice went downstairs to play with some of my dad's hotwheels (he collects them, but he has a few that Alice can play with). We hung out for a bit and then it was time to take Matt home and put the kids to bed.
The next day is Boxing Day. That's the big Christmas dinner at my mom's house. We see my step sisters and my nephews and the grandmothers and everything. We eat so much food and dessert that would put a fat camp to shame. I drank very little alcohol compared to other years because I have an infant to look after again AND I was having a sleepover with my cousin, Emilija.
We left my mom's around 7 so we could go pick up Emilija. I left my contacnt info for Auntie Rasa, said a quick goodbye to my cousin Vaughan and we were out the door. We watched movies (I had a nap during Magic School Bus) and stayed up talking and watching movies until 3. We both called it a night and the next day Uncle Mark (her dad) came to pick her up to go shopping. It was pretty awesome.
This whole year has been awesome, actually!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Parenthood: Changes with Each Baby
*Please note - I did not write this. I saw it and thought it was cute and decided to re-post. I would give credit to the original author if I knew who they were*
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your... OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your... OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Body Image
I knew this would happen. I didn't know to what extent, but I knew it would happen. I would be unhappy with my postpartum body. And it's not that I'm unhappy about how I look considering I just had a baby a mere 8 weeks ago. It's being unhappy about the unknown - to what extent is my body permanently changed this time?
I finished my pregnancy at 178lbs (80.9 kilos) - much better than the 200lbs (90.9 kilos) with Alice. I also retained stretch marks along the areas I already had them, so I knew more or less where they would shrink to - or at least how to dress to avoid showing them.
Either way, weight loss hasn't been too hard with this pregnancy. Running around after Alice while looking after Jane and yes, skipping a few meals (not on purpose!) and trips to the gym have really helped. I am currently at 144lbs.
My body right now is in a weird stage. I look good with clothes on. My tummy has gone back down to such a state where I look like the average person. But when the shirt comes off, I have issues. I have this extra skin overhang that I really can't remember if I had it with Alice or not. That is what is bothering me. If I remain standing, I don't mind what I see in the mirror - but as soon as I sit and the smallest leaf of my tattoo disappears under that damn skin fold, I start to feel gross.
I know that at the moment I am still not toned, so that probably plays a part, but I have this fear that this skin fold may never go away. I know that after having kids one can't expect to look perfect, but at the same time, I remember how I looked before this pregnancy - and was kind of hoping to have assurance that I could get back to the way I looked - though not the weight I used to be...it was kind of too skinny for me.
I also know that it has only been 8 weeks. I'm talking in weeks because 2 months sounds longer. It actually depresses me - so I have to remind myself that 2 months is only 8 weeks. It took 40 weeks to grow my baby, so I know it will take a while to lose the 40 weeks of change - but I just want to know that things WILL change.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel sexy - something I wasn't able to do until shortly before the pregnancy with Jane. Not because of how my body looked - but because I finally realized how my body looked. I finally found the peace to call myself beautiful without worrying that someone would think I was conceited or arrogant - because we all know that there are people who will call someone out when they call themselves beautiful - and it's usually by someone who can't call themselves beautiful.
I feel like I am cheating myself out of the happiness I should be feeling. I should be focusing on what I've done so far. I've lost a good chunk of my pregnancy weight. I don't look like I had a baby 2 months ago. I am the same shape and weight as many of my friends now. Many people I meet and talk to in public don't even know I have kids - so really, I worry I might be too hard on myself - but I can't help it. I don't feel beautiful.
I finished my pregnancy at 178lbs (80.9 kilos) - much better than the 200lbs (90.9 kilos) with Alice. I also retained stretch marks along the areas I already had them, so I knew more or less where they would shrink to - or at least how to dress to avoid showing them.
Either way, weight loss hasn't been too hard with this pregnancy. Running around after Alice while looking after Jane and yes, skipping a few meals (not on purpose!) and trips to the gym have really helped. I am currently at 144lbs.
My body right now is in a weird stage. I look good with clothes on. My tummy has gone back down to such a state where I look like the average person. But when the shirt comes off, I have issues. I have this extra skin overhang that I really can't remember if I had it with Alice or not. That is what is bothering me. If I remain standing, I don't mind what I see in the mirror - but as soon as I sit and the smallest leaf of my tattoo disappears under that damn skin fold, I start to feel gross.
I know that at the moment I am still not toned, so that probably plays a part, but I have this fear that this skin fold may never go away. I know that after having kids one can't expect to look perfect, but at the same time, I remember how I looked before this pregnancy - and was kind of hoping to have assurance that I could get back to the way I looked - though not the weight I used to be...it was kind of too skinny for me.
I also know that it has only been 8 weeks. I'm talking in weeks because 2 months sounds longer. It actually depresses me - so I have to remind myself that 2 months is only 8 weeks. It took 40 weeks to grow my baby, so I know it will take a while to lose the 40 weeks of change - but I just want to know that things WILL change.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel sexy - something I wasn't able to do until shortly before the pregnancy with Jane. Not because of how my body looked - but because I finally realized how my body looked. I finally found the peace to call myself beautiful without worrying that someone would think I was conceited or arrogant - because we all know that there are people who will call someone out when they call themselves beautiful - and it's usually by someone who can't call themselves beautiful.
I feel like I am cheating myself out of the happiness I should be feeling. I should be focusing on what I've done so far. I've lost a good chunk of my pregnancy weight. I don't look like I had a baby 2 months ago. I am the same shape and weight as many of my friends now. Many people I meet and talk to in public don't even know I have kids - so really, I worry I might be too hard on myself - but I can't help it. I don't feel beautiful.
Monday, December 6, 2010
It Finally Happened
Alice was forgotten at school today. Not by me. But by the person who was supposed to get her. I'm not going to say who it is, as it really isn't important. Alice made it home fine and was happy and healthy and no worse for wear, so there is no point in naming the person. But I would like to share the experience of it with you all.
Let's start with some background. Ever since I developed a separated pelvis during my pregnancy and starting fainting/passing out, I have had help both dropping Alice off at school and picking her up. It works pretty smoothly for the most part. There are 5 people in total helping me, so that we can always find someone to pick Alice up when the others cannot make it. There are two people that help more often than others. They are lifesavers.
Normally Alice gets home just after 11:20am. Unless whoever is picking her up stops for lunch with her, but that is normally discussed beforehand.
So imagine my worry this morning when I look at the clock. It is 11:39am and Alice isn't home. Right away my OCD mind (and mom mind, I suppose) jumps to the conclusion that maybe something bad has happened...such as a fender bender. (That's as bad as I let myself think this morning, otherwise I would have lost my mind instead of focusing on figuring out what was taking so long)
I decided to call the house where two of my helpers live. I called and asked if Alice was on her way or if they had brought her home with them. Imagine my surprise when they said 'Oh! Alice! I forgot!' See, I had actually thought the OTHER helper was going to be picking her up, so when the phone was answered I really thought nothing of this one being on the other end.
As soon as we both realized what had happened, I called the school. I asked if Alice was still there and heard a terrifying sentence. "I'm not sure. Let me check" It only took two seconds for the secretary to stand up and see that Alice was laying down on the bench, but to be told "I'm not sure" was definitely not a good thing.
I am actually surprised at how calm and even polite I was with the secretary, as I tend to get my back up rather quickly in situations regarding Alice. I mentioned to the woman that perhaps "Hold on a moment" instead of "I'm not sure" would be much better to use in this circumstance. I then asked her why none of Alice's emergency contacts had not been called yet. She explained that they wait until 11:30 to call emergency contacts for half day students.
I pointed out (again, surprisingly polite for someone like me in a panic) that it was 11:45 and I had not received one call. I also went on to explain that because I had not received a phone call, I had assumed that perhaps something had happened to Alice off of school property (such as a car accident) which caused some extra worry that I could have done without.
The secretary apologized and admitted that she was running behind and promised that if, for any reason, she saw Alice sent to the office at the end of the day, she would call emergency contact number one (my number) right away to double check everything. Fair enough.
I was also very surprised that I was not upset with the person picking Alice up. Unfortunately, in the past, this person has been on the receiving end of my quick temper for things regarding Alice that really, I should not have had as extreme a reaction. ie: When Alice was younger I told her no more juice. Then I saw Alice with a glass of juice. Got upset with this person for giving Alice juice and even yelled. This person had no idea I had told Alice no more juice. They just offered her some because Alice had said she was thirsty and normally giving juice was a non-issue.
But to go from yelling over juice to being ok with a temporary brain fart regarding picking Alice up is actually pretty big for me. Even Mike was surprised (I texted him about it all) I'm also pretty sure the person dropping Alice off today was surprised when I came to the door with a smile instead of anger...but I'm glad they didn't mention it haha. (I guess this is that whole 'maturity' thing my parents always told me about)
In the end, I'm actually semi-glad this happened. I got to test out how Alice's school handles the situation, and even custom tailor it to my preferences. Alice was fine and knew that she was in a safe place. She was all smiles when she came home and even laughed about it. Now, as long as we don't make a habit of it, I'm sure we'll forget about this, or at least have to remind ourselves of it so we can laugh over it years from now.
Let's start with some background. Ever since I developed a separated pelvis during my pregnancy and starting fainting/passing out, I have had help both dropping Alice off at school and picking her up. It works pretty smoothly for the most part. There are 5 people in total helping me, so that we can always find someone to pick Alice up when the others cannot make it. There are two people that help more often than others. They are lifesavers.
Normally Alice gets home just after 11:20am. Unless whoever is picking her up stops for lunch with her, but that is normally discussed beforehand.
So imagine my worry this morning when I look at the clock. It is 11:39am and Alice isn't home. Right away my OCD mind (and mom mind, I suppose) jumps to the conclusion that maybe something bad has happened...such as a fender bender. (That's as bad as I let myself think this morning, otherwise I would have lost my mind instead of focusing on figuring out what was taking so long)
I decided to call the house where two of my helpers live. I called and asked if Alice was on her way or if they had brought her home with them. Imagine my surprise when they said 'Oh! Alice! I forgot!' See, I had actually thought the OTHER helper was going to be picking her up, so when the phone was answered I really thought nothing of this one being on the other end.
As soon as we both realized what had happened, I called the school. I asked if Alice was still there and heard a terrifying sentence. "I'm not sure. Let me check" It only took two seconds for the secretary to stand up and see that Alice was laying down on the bench, but to be told "I'm not sure" was definitely not a good thing.
I am actually surprised at how calm and even polite I was with the secretary, as I tend to get my back up rather quickly in situations regarding Alice. I mentioned to the woman that perhaps "Hold on a moment" instead of "I'm not sure" would be much better to use in this circumstance. I then asked her why none of Alice's emergency contacts had not been called yet. She explained that they wait until 11:30 to call emergency contacts for half day students.
I pointed out (again, surprisingly polite for someone like me in a panic) that it was 11:45 and I had not received one call. I also went on to explain that because I had not received a phone call, I had assumed that perhaps something had happened to Alice off of school property (such as a car accident) which caused some extra worry that I could have done without.
The secretary apologized and admitted that she was running behind and promised that if, for any reason, she saw Alice sent to the office at the end of the day, she would call emergency contact number one (my number) right away to double check everything. Fair enough.
I was also very surprised that I was not upset with the person picking Alice up. Unfortunately, in the past, this person has been on the receiving end of my quick temper for things regarding Alice that really, I should not have had as extreme a reaction. ie: When Alice was younger I told her no more juice. Then I saw Alice with a glass of juice. Got upset with this person for giving Alice juice and even yelled. This person had no idea I had told Alice no more juice. They just offered her some because Alice had said she was thirsty and normally giving juice was a non-issue.
But to go from yelling over juice to being ok with a temporary brain fart regarding picking Alice up is actually pretty big for me. Even Mike was surprised (I texted him about it all) I'm also pretty sure the person dropping Alice off today was surprised when I came to the door with a smile instead of anger...but I'm glad they didn't mention it haha. (I guess this is that whole 'maturity' thing my parents always told me about)
In the end, I'm actually semi-glad this happened. I got to test out how Alice's school handles the situation, and even custom tailor it to my preferences. Alice was fine and knew that she was in a safe place. She was all smiles when she came home and even laughed about it. Now, as long as we don't make a habit of it, I'm sure we'll forget about this, or at least have to remind ourselves of it so we can laugh over it years from now.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Routine?!
So, recently I have been trying to get into the swing of things. Well, actually, I have being trying to figure out what the swing of things actually is! Jane is slowly starting to realize the difference between day and night. She was doing well at the beginning, but some 'bad' choices, on my part, regarding trying to lull her to sleep during sleep deprivation, she has decided that night time is her favourite time.
It hasn't been until the past two nights that she has gone down at a more humane hour. Last night was 2am. The night before that was 3:30am. I am hoping to have a 1:30-2am bedtime tonight as well.
My anti psychotics have kicked in (I hate how mentioning them makes me sound crazy haha) and I have recently started my Dexedrine again. I didn't want to start it for a few reasons. One is the cost. It's over a dollar a pill. Not much more than a dollar a pill, but still, it costs enough. The second reason is the gut rot. This pill causes extreme stomach pain once it kicks in. It's not that it hurts as soon as the capsule breaks open, more like it makes your stomach hate you when you decide to put food in it - which is actually one of the reasons they use Dexedrine to help obese people try to control what they eat. The third and last reason is this - the full name of this medication is dextroamphetamine. It has similar stimulant properties to methamphetamines - meaning it really keeps you awake (a reason fighter pilots are given Dexedrine on long flights). So not only am I dealing with a baby that doesn't want to sleep, I face physical exhaustion from Jane while my mind is still running a mile a minute.
The reason I have decided to go back on it is that I need it in order to be an effective parent. Alice's routine is suffering. She has had the same daily routine for years now. Mike and I knew that a second child would change it, but the possibility of forming a new, similar routine would be next to impossible when I can't even get myself dressed in under an hour.
The lack of ambition I face with my ADHD also would rob Jane of establishing a schedule. I am a firm believer that a happy, healthy child is the result of routine. Not a strict routine, but a routine where there are a few non-variables, such as morning routine, bedtime routine, and responsibilities around the home.
I also found myself being unable to prepare a proper meal for Mike, Alice, and I. And while Mike is able to feed himself both at work and home, there were a few days where, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to make a full dinner. When it comes to Alice, she would come home from school and normally be given lunch by me. Lately I have just been giving her a bag of chips or some random junk type item instead of even making something as simple as a sandwich. And it's not because I'm tired - it's a total lack of ambition to get things done. And as for myself, I would be too lazy to actually make anything for myself as well...or to even heat up anything I previously made. For the 4th week of Jane's life, I survived on a cup of instant coffee and half a peanut butter sandwich. It got to the point during the 5th week where I felt so weak I was afraid I would drop Jane because my blood sugar was so low. (I'm hypoglycemic and really require constant healthy food to keep my blood sugar constant)
I picked up my Dexedrine prescription this past Monday. I am dealing with the stomach pain and alert brain as best I can. I am super thankful for time zones and Yahoo messenger. If it wasn't for Emma and Jenn, I would be insane by now. Nothing is better than having someone to talk to while you're up in the middle of the night with a baby that is cranky because she is both tired and hungry.
I'm hoping it doesn't take long to become accustomed to my Dexedrine again. I had been on it for years previous to this pregnancy, and continued to take it during my pregnancy with Alice so I could complete school. I never realized how accustomed I was to the side effects before this. I am currently in a place between productiveness and lack of ambition. It's a sign that it is starting to work. With any hope, I will be figuring out our new routine. That is until Jane decides to do the whole baby thing and change it up all over again!
It hasn't been until the past two nights that she has gone down at a more humane hour. Last night was 2am. The night before that was 3:30am. I am hoping to have a 1:30-2am bedtime tonight as well.
My anti psychotics have kicked in (I hate how mentioning them makes me sound crazy haha) and I have recently started my Dexedrine again. I didn't want to start it for a few reasons. One is the cost. It's over a dollar a pill. Not much more than a dollar a pill, but still, it costs enough. The second reason is the gut rot. This pill causes extreme stomach pain once it kicks in. It's not that it hurts as soon as the capsule breaks open, more like it makes your stomach hate you when you decide to put food in it - which is actually one of the reasons they use Dexedrine to help obese people try to control what they eat. The third and last reason is this - the full name of this medication is dextroamphetamine. It has similar stimulant properties to methamphetamines - meaning it really keeps you awake (a reason fighter pilots are given Dexedrine on long flights). So not only am I dealing with a baby that doesn't want to sleep, I face physical exhaustion from Jane while my mind is still running a mile a minute.
The reason I have decided to go back on it is that I need it in order to be an effective parent. Alice's routine is suffering. She has had the same daily routine for years now. Mike and I knew that a second child would change it, but the possibility of forming a new, similar routine would be next to impossible when I can't even get myself dressed in under an hour.
The lack of ambition I face with my ADHD also would rob Jane of establishing a schedule. I am a firm believer that a happy, healthy child is the result of routine. Not a strict routine, but a routine where there are a few non-variables, such as morning routine, bedtime routine, and responsibilities around the home.
I also found myself being unable to prepare a proper meal for Mike, Alice, and I. And while Mike is able to feed himself both at work and home, there were a few days where, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to make a full dinner. When it comes to Alice, she would come home from school and normally be given lunch by me. Lately I have just been giving her a bag of chips or some random junk type item instead of even making something as simple as a sandwich. And it's not because I'm tired - it's a total lack of ambition to get things done. And as for myself, I would be too lazy to actually make anything for myself as well...or to even heat up anything I previously made. For the 4th week of Jane's life, I survived on a cup of instant coffee and half a peanut butter sandwich. It got to the point during the 5th week where I felt so weak I was afraid I would drop Jane because my blood sugar was so low. (I'm hypoglycemic and really require constant healthy food to keep my blood sugar constant)
I picked up my Dexedrine prescription this past Monday. I am dealing with the stomach pain and alert brain as best I can. I am super thankful for time zones and Yahoo messenger. If it wasn't for Emma and Jenn, I would be insane by now. Nothing is better than having someone to talk to while you're up in the middle of the night with a baby that is cranky because she is both tired and hungry.
I'm hoping it doesn't take long to become accustomed to my Dexedrine again. I had been on it for years previous to this pregnancy, and continued to take it during my pregnancy with Alice so I could complete school. I never realized how accustomed I was to the side effects before this. I am currently in a place between productiveness and lack of ambition. It's a sign that it is starting to work. With any hope, I will be figuring out our new routine. That is until Jane decides to do the whole baby thing and change it up all over again!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Big Sister Alice
So, as you might have guessed already, Alice is my firstborn. She was born Tuesday, December 20, 2005. Seeing as she was a driving force in the discussion of adding to the family, I figured I should share how she has been adjusting.
Alice has been nothing short of wonderful since day one. She is very helpful. Sometimes she is a little too helpful, but she's only 4, so honestly, I have completely lucked out. (Yes, I know she is almost 5, but I refuse to admit it until it happens!)
Alice is also very proud of her younger sister. Pointing out that Jane is getting big. She is also proud of all we let her do in helping with Jane. Alice is allowed to hold her whenever she wants. She also helps with diapering Jane - she puts clean liners into the G Diapers.
For Mike and I, we really couldn't ask for a better helper than Alice. That's not to say it's all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes when she believes she is being helpful, it is actually completely counter-productive. Like when I am trying to settle Jane down and talking calmly, she'll come along in her loudest, most high-pitched voice and startle her.
I find that the hardest thing so far is having enough patience to not yell at Alice. Mike and I don't like to yell. We don't accept her yelling at us, so she shouldn't be forced to have us yell at her. I knew patience was going to be hard, and I have lost it several times...and have felt horrible afterward...but it is getting much better now.
Mike and I are realizing that Alice really is doing everything with the best of intentions. She often forgets to get herself dressed and ready for things that have to be done because she is so intent on helping with Jane. And while it is hard to remain calm when constantly running late for things, we are getting better.
Alice has had some minor regressions and tantrums on house rules, and while we deal with them a bit harsher than we used to, when her time out and tears are done, we remind her that the rules haven't changed because she has a new sister. She usually only makes the regression once.
We are also trying to get her to articulate her feelings, which she does quite well. If she feels left out of a baby activity, we welcome her to tell us. If it is something she can help with, we often sigh and fight the natural annoyance that does wash over an over-tired parents and let her help. If it is something she can't help with, we explain to her why she can't, but offer something else.
When we offer something else, Alice will often burst out into tears or get angry. Unfortunately that usually wears on our last nerve and we raise our voice but, like I said, we are getting better at it - and she is getting much better at taking 'no' for an answer.
But apart from the troubles, Alice is an amazing big sister. She loves to show off her little sister. Sometimes she insists on pointing out that she is the big sister, or that she has gotten more smiles than me (something we have since told her to stop counting) but really, that's just a child being a child.
I was worried that once Jane got here, Alice would be disenchanted, but luckily it has not happened. Alice is an amazingly bright little girl with wisdom and compassion beyond her years. I wish I was the same type of big sister she is already proving to be.
Alice has been nothing short of wonderful since day one. She is very helpful. Sometimes she is a little too helpful, but she's only 4, so honestly, I have completely lucked out. (Yes, I know she is almost 5, but I refuse to admit it until it happens!)
Alice is also very proud of her younger sister. Pointing out that Jane is getting big. She is also proud of all we let her do in helping with Jane. Alice is allowed to hold her whenever she wants. She also helps with diapering Jane - she puts clean liners into the G Diapers.
For Mike and I, we really couldn't ask for a better helper than Alice. That's not to say it's all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes when she believes she is being helpful, it is actually completely counter-productive. Like when I am trying to settle Jane down and talking calmly, she'll come along in her loudest, most high-pitched voice and startle her.
I find that the hardest thing so far is having enough patience to not yell at Alice. Mike and I don't like to yell. We don't accept her yelling at us, so she shouldn't be forced to have us yell at her. I knew patience was going to be hard, and I have lost it several times...and have felt horrible afterward...but it is getting much better now.
Mike and I are realizing that Alice really is doing everything with the best of intentions. She often forgets to get herself dressed and ready for things that have to be done because she is so intent on helping with Jane. And while it is hard to remain calm when constantly running late for things, we are getting better.
Alice has had some minor regressions and tantrums on house rules, and while we deal with them a bit harsher than we used to, when her time out and tears are done, we remind her that the rules haven't changed because she has a new sister. She usually only makes the regression once.
We are also trying to get her to articulate her feelings, which she does quite well. If she feels left out of a baby activity, we welcome her to tell us. If it is something she can help with, we often sigh and fight the natural annoyance that does wash over an over-tired parents and let her help. If it is something she can't help with, we explain to her why she can't, but offer something else.
When we offer something else, Alice will often burst out into tears or get angry. Unfortunately that usually wears on our last nerve and we raise our voice but, like I said, we are getting better at it - and she is getting much better at taking 'no' for an answer.
But apart from the troubles, Alice is an amazing big sister. She loves to show off her little sister. Sometimes she insists on pointing out that she is the big sister, or that she has gotten more smiles than me (something we have since told her to stop counting) but really, that's just a child being a child.
I was worried that once Jane got here, Alice would be disenchanted, but luckily it has not happened. Alice is an amazingly bright little girl with wisdom and compassion beyond her years. I wish I was the same type of big sister she is already proving to be.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Why Mike And I Added To Our Family
Surprisingly enough, I have been getting a simple question asked that I never thought someone would ask. "Why did you and Mike decide to have another baby?"
It seems like a simple enough question. I mean, we did make a conscious decision to add to our family.
Let's see some of the circumstances that helped with the decision.
I'd say it started when I got laid off work. I got to spend a lot of time at home with Alice and Mike and it really strengthened the bond we all had. There was much less arguing and we all just had tons of time to spend together to enjoy each others company.
Now, Mike didn't know this at the time, but I had started to want to have another baby back in July/August of 2009. I had asked at one point when he saw us having another baby to gauge his reaction. He said he didn't really know and figured it would still be a while, so I let him know that I was interested in adding to the family and would wait on him to be ready.
In September 2009, Alice started asking for a brother or sister. She told me she had no one to play with. She kept saying she was bored. I explained to her that even if she had a brother or sister, it would be a while before she could play with them, and that her dad and I would be busy taking care of a baby, so she might get even more bored. She didn't care. She still wanted a sibling.
She started asking Mike and I almost constantly. We'd say 'not now' or 'in a few years' until one day I pretty much asked 'why not now?' Mike said that he didn't think it was really a good time. He was the only one working and things were good the way they were. I had to agree. Things were awesome. I tried to keep the wanting of a baby out of my mind. It was harder than I thought - my sister was pregnant and I was around people talking about babies all the time.
Then something awesome happened. Mike went out with his friends for some dinner thing. They all get together and hang out, as guys normally do, nothing out of the ordinary. He came home that night and I was sitting on my couch watching tv. I asked him how his evening went and we just had small talk for a few moments when he said that he was ready to try for another baby. I'm pretty sure I smiled like a fool for the rest of the night. I also made jokes about him just wanting to get laid - as even though I love expressing my feelings, I still get uncomfortable being mushy and vulnerable...so I crack jokes.
From then on we had a mission. I had to wean myself off of my medications. (Doctor approved, of course) And we wanted to not have every romantic encounter just be about having a baby. It was much easier than expected. Trust me, in the heat of the moment, the last thing on my mind was a baby.
It took a while, but we managed to do it. I got pregnant after months of trying. When I really think about how simple the question of 'why' is, I realize it can really be answered by a simple answer. It just felt right.
It seems like a simple enough question. I mean, we did make a conscious decision to add to our family.
Let's see some of the circumstances that helped with the decision.
I'd say it started when I got laid off work. I got to spend a lot of time at home with Alice and Mike and it really strengthened the bond we all had. There was much less arguing and we all just had tons of time to spend together to enjoy each others company.
Now, Mike didn't know this at the time, but I had started to want to have another baby back in July/August of 2009. I had asked at one point when he saw us having another baby to gauge his reaction. He said he didn't really know and figured it would still be a while, so I let him know that I was interested in adding to the family and would wait on him to be ready.
In September 2009, Alice started asking for a brother or sister. She told me she had no one to play with. She kept saying she was bored. I explained to her that even if she had a brother or sister, it would be a while before she could play with them, and that her dad and I would be busy taking care of a baby, so she might get even more bored. She didn't care. She still wanted a sibling.
She started asking Mike and I almost constantly. We'd say 'not now' or 'in a few years' until one day I pretty much asked 'why not now?' Mike said that he didn't think it was really a good time. He was the only one working and things were good the way they were. I had to agree. Things were awesome. I tried to keep the wanting of a baby out of my mind. It was harder than I thought - my sister was pregnant and I was around people talking about babies all the time.
Then something awesome happened. Mike went out with his friends for some dinner thing. They all get together and hang out, as guys normally do, nothing out of the ordinary. He came home that night and I was sitting on my couch watching tv. I asked him how his evening went and we just had small talk for a few moments when he said that he was ready to try for another baby. I'm pretty sure I smiled like a fool for the rest of the night. I also made jokes about him just wanting to get laid - as even though I love expressing my feelings, I still get uncomfortable being mushy and vulnerable...so I crack jokes.
From then on we had a mission. I had to wean myself off of my medications. (Doctor approved, of course) And we wanted to not have every romantic encounter just be about having a baby. It was much easier than expected. Trust me, in the heat of the moment, the last thing on my mind was a baby.
It took a while, but we managed to do it. I got pregnant after months of trying. When I really think about how simple the question of 'why' is, I realize it can really be answered by a simple answer. It just felt right.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
My Foray Into Breastfeeding
As the title of this entry states, it is about breastfeeding. If the subject makes you uncomfortable (though I can't think of a logical, educated person being uncomfortable with it) then don't read this entry.
I will start out with saying that I never had the chance to breastfeed Alice. Actually, the whole experience I had in the hospital with Alice kind of soured my view on it to a point. When Alice was born, I would try to bring her to the breast, but she would just push it out. I asked the nurses to help me and at first they were very encouraging. After tons of unsuccessful attempts, I started to say that something was wrong. She would not latch. She would push my breast away with her tongue.
It was at this point that the nurses started telling me that I just wasn't doing it right. They would hand Alice to me and tell me to wake her up by pinching the bottom of her foot. I tried it and she didn't wake up - so the nurse tried it. I was happy when it didn't work for her either - figured she'd change her attitude. Instead she stripped Alice down and put a cold cloth on her side to wake her up. I was upset with that, but if I talk about it, I'll forget that this is about breastfeeding.
When Alice was awake, the nurse roughly grabbed my breast and shoved it into Alice's mouth. Again, Alice pushed it out. The nurse repeated until (thankfully) my family doctor came in. He asked what was going on and I explained it to him. He put his pinky in her mouth and she promptly pushed it out. He said that she had a reversed rooting reflex. It happens in enough about every 1 in 1000 babies. So it's not uncommon. The solution was to feed Alice via feeding tube. I had hand expressed breast milk for a week while we tube fed, but eventually just started doing formula.
Fast forward to Jane. I was preparing myself to exclusively pump - I even have a double electric pump that has great user reviews online. Imagine my surprise when, right in the hospital, Jane took to the breast. She latched like a pro. I felt confident when, three hours later, I went home.
The first two days were just colostrum. On the third day, she started to actually get hungry and wouldn't settle. I started using the breast pump to get my milk production started early. It worked great - by that evening I had a happy sleeping full tummy baby.
Things were going awesome - until the fourth night when both Jane and I slept a bit longer than expected. Jane woke up extremely angry and hungry. I woke up extremely engorged. Her latch sucked and it was a very painful feed, but I didn't want to reposition her as she had been so upset. Bad idea - my nipple started bleeding shortly after. The fresh air felt like sandpaper.
I decided to just feed from the other side to give my nipple a rest. She wouldn't latch on my other side. I call it my 'bad' side thanks to something that had happened with pumping breast milk with Alice and the drying up process last time.
I refused to give up. I had set myself up for success this time. I went and grabbed my pump. I pumped a fair amount of milk and it was nice and cream coloured - just what it was supposed to be. I would wake up an hour before Jane was due to eat and I would pump. That way I could be sure I had it and I wasn't stuck putting her on my sore nipple.
I kept doing that for a few days until my nipple healed. Then I put Jane back to the breast. She latched perfectly again, except this time, she coughed and sputtered and choked at the breast. I found out that I had an over active letdown. I didn't worry too much, my midwife just said to recline while feeding her so that gravity didn't make it shoot out like it did.
Things were looking good. Jane was gaining weight, pooping, and eating for ten minutes every three hours. Then I noticed her poop was changing colour - it was turning green instead of mustard brown. I thought that maybe it had something to do with what I was eating. But then I realized I hadn't eaten anything different than what I had previously in the week. (I was actually eating the same thing every day because it was easy and already cooked)
I called my midwife and also texted my cousin, who is in the midwifery program and McMaster University. They both said that it was foremilk poop. Foremilk is the milk that has been in the breast a little while so that the fatty deposits it originally had were further up in the milk duct. Foremilk looks white and watery. Hindmilk - the good, fatty stuff - is cream coloured and keeps the baby full and less gassy. She was only eating foremilk.
Because I had so much milk and such a fast letdown, my midwife suggested drinking sage and peppermint teas to try and dry up some of my milk supply. My cousin got me the teas and I started on them as my midwife prescribed.
The next day I decided to pump to see what was going on as well. Normally I would only pump for ten minutes or so and by the end feel that my breasts were empty. I was also usually left with hindmilk in the bottle. That was not what happened this time. I pumped for 20 minutes and was left with 8 oz of foremilk and my breasts still felt full. I called my midwife and told her what was going on. She said that it was odd at this point so I should keep pumping until I came into the hindmilk - but not as a solution, only to see how long it would take. (If you keep pumping to get to the hindmilk, your body will just keep producing milk and you'll have to go through the same thign with each pumping session - tons of foremilk and little hind)
I pumped for 20 more minutes on the highest setting on my pump. It was a total of 40 minutes including the last pumping with the 8 oz. At the end of 20 minutes, I was left with 6 oz of foremilk. Still no hindmilk. I called my midwife and she said to continue with the teas as they would take a few days to work.
At this point both Jane and I were frustrated. She would be hungry but would cough and sputter again at the breast, even if I leaned back. She would eventually latch, but would only eat for a minute or so then require a burping and then would fall asleep during the burping. I thought that maybe she was starting to get enough again, and I would put her down...then she would wake up screaming and want the breast.
I got so frustrated that I had to call my mom. Mike was working a wedding and so I had been home with just Jane and Alice all day. I had no one there to talk to or encourage me. It was hard. I was so happy when my mom got there. Jane didn't stop her fussing at the breast then sleep pattern while my mom was there, but it honestly did help to just have her there.
After hours of having Jane on my breast and crying and waking and sleeping and burping, I couldn't take it anymore. I made a bottle of formula we had in case of emergency so I could get some sleep and try again in the morning. (And so my mom could go home)
I never got to try again in the morning. I woke up in the middle of the night to whispering. I couldn't find the source. I thought maybe Alice was talking in her sleep or that maybe someone was talking in the building's hallway (I live in an apartment and the hallways echo). There was no one out there. Then it dawned on me. I was having auditory hallucinations. It is part of my mental illness.
I hadn't been on my meds for the duration of trying to conceive/pregnancy/birth. My hormones seemed to be ok during the pregnancy and I had been feeling healthy after the birth...but I think my hormones finally got so out of whack that it triggered the hallucination. I called the on-call doctor at my doctor's office. He gave me an after hours number for the womens' mental health services. They gave me two options. I could start my medications or I could call C.O.A.S.T and be taken to the hospital and admitted. I obviously chose my medications - but it meant I could no longer breastfeed. My medications can do a lot of damage to an infant who is breastfeeding. Hell, they damage me!
At first I was devastated. I felt so sad. I had handled Alice's inability much better because I could 'blame' her for it. She had something wrong with her. But this time it was different. There was something wrong with me.
The sadness about it didn't last long. I knew this was a possibility. Mental illnesses don't go away just because you want to breastfeed. I still had a husband and older child to take care of as well as sweet baby Jane. I know a healthy, happy mom means a healthy, happy household. I tried my best and did better than I had ever expected - I managed to breastfeed for two weeks! I wasn't even planning on breastfeeding at all, it was going to be pumped! So in no way do I feel like I have failed. I chose what was best for everyone in my family.
Jane hated the formula at first. She would make faces when she tasted it, but hunger won her over and now she takes to it as if it were the best thing on earth. I'm taking my meds and the whispers are only now starting to go away for a few hours at a time - but at least they didn't get worse while I was waiting for the meds to kick in.
I haven't faced too much opposition in my formula feeding from those that matter to me. There have been a few comments here and there from people I see in passing who I am close enough to discuss feeding, but not close enough to care what they think (they don't even think mental illnesses are real, so what do they know?).
At the end of the day, Jane is thriving, I'm happy, and Alice and Mike now get the chance to feed Jane. It's win-win for all.
I will start out with saying that I never had the chance to breastfeed Alice. Actually, the whole experience I had in the hospital with Alice kind of soured my view on it to a point. When Alice was born, I would try to bring her to the breast, but she would just push it out. I asked the nurses to help me and at first they were very encouraging. After tons of unsuccessful attempts, I started to say that something was wrong. She would not latch. She would push my breast away with her tongue.
It was at this point that the nurses started telling me that I just wasn't doing it right. They would hand Alice to me and tell me to wake her up by pinching the bottom of her foot. I tried it and she didn't wake up - so the nurse tried it. I was happy when it didn't work for her either - figured she'd change her attitude. Instead she stripped Alice down and put a cold cloth on her side to wake her up. I was upset with that, but if I talk about it, I'll forget that this is about breastfeeding.
When Alice was awake, the nurse roughly grabbed my breast and shoved it into Alice's mouth. Again, Alice pushed it out. The nurse repeated until (thankfully) my family doctor came in. He asked what was going on and I explained it to him. He put his pinky in her mouth and she promptly pushed it out. He said that she had a reversed rooting reflex. It happens in enough about every 1 in 1000 babies. So it's not uncommon. The solution was to feed Alice via feeding tube. I had hand expressed breast milk for a week while we tube fed, but eventually just started doing formula.
Fast forward to Jane. I was preparing myself to exclusively pump - I even have a double electric pump that has great user reviews online. Imagine my surprise when, right in the hospital, Jane took to the breast. She latched like a pro. I felt confident when, three hours later, I went home.
The first two days were just colostrum. On the third day, she started to actually get hungry and wouldn't settle. I started using the breast pump to get my milk production started early. It worked great - by that evening I had a happy sleeping full tummy baby.
Things were going awesome - until the fourth night when both Jane and I slept a bit longer than expected. Jane woke up extremely angry and hungry. I woke up extremely engorged. Her latch sucked and it was a very painful feed, but I didn't want to reposition her as she had been so upset. Bad idea - my nipple started bleeding shortly after. The fresh air felt like sandpaper.
I decided to just feed from the other side to give my nipple a rest. She wouldn't latch on my other side. I call it my 'bad' side thanks to something that had happened with pumping breast milk with Alice and the drying up process last time.
I refused to give up. I had set myself up for success this time. I went and grabbed my pump. I pumped a fair amount of milk and it was nice and cream coloured - just what it was supposed to be. I would wake up an hour before Jane was due to eat and I would pump. That way I could be sure I had it and I wasn't stuck putting her on my sore nipple.
I kept doing that for a few days until my nipple healed. Then I put Jane back to the breast. She latched perfectly again, except this time, she coughed and sputtered and choked at the breast. I found out that I had an over active letdown. I didn't worry too much, my midwife just said to recline while feeding her so that gravity didn't make it shoot out like it did.
Things were looking good. Jane was gaining weight, pooping, and eating for ten minutes every three hours. Then I noticed her poop was changing colour - it was turning green instead of mustard brown. I thought that maybe it had something to do with what I was eating. But then I realized I hadn't eaten anything different than what I had previously in the week. (I was actually eating the same thing every day because it was easy and already cooked)
I called my midwife and also texted my cousin, who is in the midwifery program and McMaster University. They both said that it was foremilk poop. Foremilk is the milk that has been in the breast a little while so that the fatty deposits it originally had were further up in the milk duct. Foremilk looks white and watery. Hindmilk - the good, fatty stuff - is cream coloured and keeps the baby full and less gassy. She was only eating foremilk.
Because I had so much milk and such a fast letdown, my midwife suggested drinking sage and peppermint teas to try and dry up some of my milk supply. My cousin got me the teas and I started on them as my midwife prescribed.
The next day I decided to pump to see what was going on as well. Normally I would only pump for ten minutes or so and by the end feel that my breasts were empty. I was also usually left with hindmilk in the bottle. That was not what happened this time. I pumped for 20 minutes and was left with 8 oz of foremilk and my breasts still felt full. I called my midwife and told her what was going on. She said that it was odd at this point so I should keep pumping until I came into the hindmilk - but not as a solution, only to see how long it would take. (If you keep pumping to get to the hindmilk, your body will just keep producing milk and you'll have to go through the same thign with each pumping session - tons of foremilk and little hind)
I pumped for 20 more minutes on the highest setting on my pump. It was a total of 40 minutes including the last pumping with the 8 oz. At the end of 20 minutes, I was left with 6 oz of foremilk. Still no hindmilk. I called my midwife and she said to continue with the teas as they would take a few days to work.
At this point both Jane and I were frustrated. She would be hungry but would cough and sputter again at the breast, even if I leaned back. She would eventually latch, but would only eat for a minute or so then require a burping and then would fall asleep during the burping. I thought that maybe she was starting to get enough again, and I would put her down...then she would wake up screaming and want the breast.
I got so frustrated that I had to call my mom. Mike was working a wedding and so I had been home with just Jane and Alice all day. I had no one there to talk to or encourage me. It was hard. I was so happy when my mom got there. Jane didn't stop her fussing at the breast then sleep pattern while my mom was there, but it honestly did help to just have her there.
After hours of having Jane on my breast and crying and waking and sleeping and burping, I couldn't take it anymore. I made a bottle of formula we had in case of emergency so I could get some sleep and try again in the morning. (And so my mom could go home)
I never got to try again in the morning. I woke up in the middle of the night to whispering. I couldn't find the source. I thought maybe Alice was talking in her sleep or that maybe someone was talking in the building's hallway (I live in an apartment and the hallways echo). There was no one out there. Then it dawned on me. I was having auditory hallucinations. It is part of my mental illness.
I hadn't been on my meds for the duration of trying to conceive/pregnancy/birth. My hormones seemed to be ok during the pregnancy and I had been feeling healthy after the birth...but I think my hormones finally got so out of whack that it triggered the hallucination. I called the on-call doctor at my doctor's office. He gave me an after hours number for the womens' mental health services. They gave me two options. I could start my medications or I could call C.O.A.S.T and be taken to the hospital and admitted. I obviously chose my medications - but it meant I could no longer breastfeed. My medications can do a lot of damage to an infant who is breastfeeding. Hell, they damage me!
At first I was devastated. I felt so sad. I had handled Alice's inability much better because I could 'blame' her for it. She had something wrong with her. But this time it was different. There was something wrong with me.
The sadness about it didn't last long. I knew this was a possibility. Mental illnesses don't go away just because you want to breastfeed. I still had a husband and older child to take care of as well as sweet baby Jane. I know a healthy, happy mom means a healthy, happy household. I tried my best and did better than I had ever expected - I managed to breastfeed for two weeks! I wasn't even planning on breastfeeding at all, it was going to be pumped! So in no way do I feel like I have failed. I chose what was best for everyone in my family.
Jane hated the formula at first. She would make faces when she tasted it, but hunger won her over and now she takes to it as if it were the best thing on earth. I'm taking my meds and the whispers are only now starting to go away for a few hours at a time - but at least they didn't get worse while I was waiting for the meds to kick in.
I haven't faced too much opposition in my formula feeding from those that matter to me. There have been a few comments here and there from people I see in passing who I am close enough to discuss feeding, but not close enough to care what they think (they don't even think mental illnesses are real, so what do they know?).
At the end of the day, Jane is thriving, I'm happy, and Alice and Mike now get the chance to feed Jane. It's win-win for all.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
My Pregnancy And Birth With Jane
I've decided to write an entry on Jane's Birth. Jane is the newest addition to my family. She decided to make her grand entrance on Friday, October 15, 2010 at 1:20pm. It's all still rather fresh in my memory, so now would be as good a time as any to share my experience.
My due date was October 14. I had had a bit of a rough pregnancy that included a threatened miscarriage in the early stages, followed by horrible morning sickness that had Mike pulling the car over on the side of the road so I could throw up on many, many occasions. After that, it was the separated pelvis. That was probably the worst part. It felt as if my pelvis were broken, and it only got worse as each week went on and she put more and more weight on my poor pelvis.
Near the very end, I started fainting. The worst was the first time it happened. I was 37 weeks along. I had picked Alice up from school and we were walking around Zellers. I had found everything I had gone in for and was heading towards the front of the store when I suddenly blacked out. I came to (no clue how long I was out) and Alice was sitting next to me on the ground asking me to please wake up. (I'm not even going to get started on the lack of help I received while there)
So that led to me going to the hospital for observation for three hours, as well as some blood tests. I was sent home after two blood test results came back normal. I was called later that evening to go back to the hospital. There was some of Jane's blood in my blood stream. We were RH compatible, though, so the reason for going back was top check my blood again to make sure the volume of the mixture hadn't increased.
My midwife took my blood, we sent it off, and we waited. We had to do more fetal monitoring and knew that if the blood mix was the same or even went up that it would require an ultrasound. We asked the OB on staff if she would just send a request of ultrasound while we waited, as that would be the quickest way to rule out a placental rupture. She said no. When we got the blood tests back, we were told we now needed the ultrasound to rule it out...but the ultrasound clinic was now closed, so I had to wait until the next day. Ugh.
Everything turned out fine, they figured the fall just made the membrane leak a bit. We (Mike, midwife, and myself) decided it would be best if we started doing stretch and sweeps to try and get Jane to come out so that I could avoid any further risk to her if I fainted again. We also set an induction date for 41 weeks instead of 42. That date was for Friday, October 22, 2010.
I had a total of three stretch and sweeps over the course of two weeks. After the third one didn't work, we set an appointment for the Monday after my due date, as well as one for the 21st - the day before my scheduled induction.
Now, here is where my social life comes into play. My best friend, Amanda, and I always go to this bar right by our homes. We usually go Tuesday for karaoke (which we did go to on the 12). Well, the 14th (my due date) was the bartender, Jen's, birthday. She wanted us to come out and see her. So we did.
At the bar everyone was asking when I was due and they all thought I was crazy for going to the bar on my due date (Almost got into a bar fight, too!) (Not even my fault and I chose the self-preservation mode of walking away) We stayed until the bar closed (just after 3am) and everyone there said Jane would arrive on the 15th. I figured I would actually make it to my induction date, given that Alice had been 11 days late when I was induced with her.
Amanda and I both went home and I settled in for whatever sleep I could get...it was around 3:30 when my head finally hit the pillow.
NOW FOR THE LABOUR
I woke up at about 7:30 to the alarm clock. It was time to get up and get Alice ready for school and Mike was getting ready for work. (Mike drives Alice to school in the mornings) Mike was already getting ready for work and was in an out of the bathroom by the time I had the urge for my morning pee. (I hate when that happens) So I waited for Mike to be done. He usually washes and gels his hair before work, it takes some time. For some reason, I decided to look at the clock. No clue why. It was 7:50am. I then laid back and felt this 'bump' in my stomach - as if Jane had a hiccup - but it wasn't followed by another hiccup, it was followed by a gush of fluid.
I stood up, said 'UM!' sat down on the edge of the bed and again said 'UM!' then laid back, hoping to make sure I wasn't just urinating all over myself and said a third 'UM!'. I then said 'Mike?' he answered 'Yes?' and I said 'UM!' He came into the bedroom and looked at me and the bed and I looked at me and the bed. It looked as if my water broke, but I was still in shock and was very unsure.
I wasn't feeling any contractions at all. I was just laying there. I called my mom's house and spoke to my stepdad who then gave me to my mom. She told me to call my midwife then get back to her.
I called my midwife and found out that she was off that weekend so I would be using my secondary midwife - which was actually a team of two women and the one I spoke to on the phone was off duty at 10, so I would get the other one if I went into labour later that day. The midwife didn't seem too concerned that my water broke and that I wasn't feeling any contractions or anything. She reminded me that many people wait hours before labour starts after their water breaks - but that if it didn't happen within 24 hours, I would be induced.
At this point, I was still in shock, but walking around the apartment a bit. Mike asked if it was ok to go to work. I told him to go ahead. I decided not to have Alice taken to school, though. Mike took her to his mom's instead.
I decided to use this time to get a quick shower and wash my hair. I turned on the shower and just as I stepped in, I got the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. Worse than the labour pain with Alice. It was a looooong contraction. I figured that maybe I was just being a baby, as the first contractions aren't 'supposed' to be that bad. I started washing my hair with Alice's 2-in-1 shampoo because I knew I wouldn't have time for a full shampoo and conditioner. I don't know why I knew this, but I did. My second contraction came before I had time to rinse my hair. I got out of the shower and called my midwife.
It was around 9:15am at this point. My midwife asked me how close the contractions were. I told her I didn't know as I hadn't timed them - I was in the shower. I got a contraction while on the phone with her. We waited it out then continued talking. Within what felt like seconds, I had a second contraction. She said 'You're the one whose mom had fast deliveries, right?' I told her that yes, I was - my mom had extremely fast labours with all of us. She told me to get to the hospital for 10:30 (it would take me time to get dressed and grab my bag and get a ride there and contact everyone I had to contact) and that my other secondary midwife would meet me there.
My mom came to take me to the hospital. Mike was leaving work to head to the hospital to meet us there. I couldn't find my shoes, so I just grabbed a pair of ballet slippers and put them in my hospital bag. I couldn't be bothered to put them on with the frequency of contractions (2 minutes apart, each lasting 45 seconds) As we drove to the hospital, I recognized the car in front of us. It was Mike. We honked and waved like idiots.
My mom drove me to the front door and dropped me off. I waddled towards the elevator when a lady's voice called out from behind the information desk 'I'm sorry, you need to put some shoes on, ma'am' I turned, gave her a look, and she realized the situation and said 'never mind'. Smart woman.
I got upstairs and my midwife wasn't there yet. The nurse who took me to my room was very rude. She didn't even lower the hospital bed for me. It was almost chest height. When Mike and my mom got up, I was in the hallways yelling that it hurt. We waited for what seemed like ages for my midwife to show up. I know she got there as fast as she could, but I still hated the wait.
The contractions were still 2 minutes apart at this point, but they were lasting for about a minute each time - so I asked for the magic needle man. It took a bit for him to show up, and he started to insert the catheter into my back before we all realized I wasn't fully frozen. THAT was pretty painful in itself. But after some more local numbing needles, I got my epidural catheter placed nicely.
My dad and my sister came down to see me. We all settled in and expected that I would be there for the rest of the day. Mike and I texted and tweeted to keep people updated. My friend Amanda was working several blocks away and I was texting her as things progressed.
My first cervix check was done at about noon. I was 5 centimeters. We figured it would take a good chunk of the day for labour to continue, so I brought out my mp3 player and music pillow (it has built in speakers) and tried to relax a bit.
After a short while, I let my midwife know that I had some mild back pressure. She checked my cervix and was surprised that she 'couldn't find it' (her words!) She told me to tell her before I felt like pushing so she could call for another midwife to come and assist with the birth. I told her she should probably call her at that point.
It couldn't have been better timing. Pretty much as soon as the second midwife arrived and we were introduced, I started pushing at 1:10pm. At one point, I felt the urge to push even though there wasn't a contraction. My midwife told me to go ahead, as long as I didn't bear down. My body knew what it was telling me. (that was wonderful to hear, especially when compared to my delivery with Alice. The doctors shouted at me to only push with contractions no matter what I felt)
Jane was born at 1:20pm. After ten minutes of pushing. I had gone through all stages of labour within 4 hours. Shortly after delivery, I felt kind of sad that I had an epidural again, but my midwife told me she would have actually recommended it. I had no bag of waters for the whole labour and it was intense. She thinks I would have been too tense to labour as well as I did with the epidural. It was nice to have compassion when I felt kind of down.
Mike got to cut Jane's cord. They asked me to guess her weight. I said probably 8 11 - just because I wanted the 'bragging rights' as my sister had an 8 10 baby. It was awesome when I found out I was right. I had even guessed Alice's weight back when she was born. So far I'm two for two!
After Jane and I were cleaned up and I had mu first cuddle with her, my midwives brought me some toast with peanut butter and Mike got to have his cuddle with her. I had texted Amanda once Jane was born, so she told me she was on her way. I told her to hurry because I would be going home soon. She made it in time and she got to meet Jane before we went home.
I was home by 5:30pm. I didn't want to recover in the hospital. I didn't want to share a room with a stranger, and I wanted to relax in my own bed. Best decision ever.
When I had left the hospital, I had planned on breastfeeding, as Jane latched really well at the hospital. But that's another blog entry.
My due date was October 14. I had had a bit of a rough pregnancy that included a threatened miscarriage in the early stages, followed by horrible morning sickness that had Mike pulling the car over on the side of the road so I could throw up on many, many occasions. After that, it was the separated pelvis. That was probably the worst part. It felt as if my pelvis were broken, and it only got worse as each week went on and she put more and more weight on my poor pelvis.
Near the very end, I started fainting. The worst was the first time it happened. I was 37 weeks along. I had picked Alice up from school and we were walking around Zellers. I had found everything I had gone in for and was heading towards the front of the store when I suddenly blacked out. I came to (no clue how long I was out) and Alice was sitting next to me on the ground asking me to please wake up. (I'm not even going to get started on the lack of help I received while there)
So that led to me going to the hospital for observation for three hours, as well as some blood tests. I was sent home after two blood test results came back normal. I was called later that evening to go back to the hospital. There was some of Jane's blood in my blood stream. We were RH compatible, though, so the reason for going back was top check my blood again to make sure the volume of the mixture hadn't increased.
My midwife took my blood, we sent it off, and we waited. We had to do more fetal monitoring and knew that if the blood mix was the same or even went up that it would require an ultrasound. We asked the OB on staff if she would just send a request of ultrasound while we waited, as that would be the quickest way to rule out a placental rupture. She said no. When we got the blood tests back, we were told we now needed the ultrasound to rule it out...but the ultrasound clinic was now closed, so I had to wait until the next day. Ugh.
Everything turned out fine, they figured the fall just made the membrane leak a bit. We (Mike, midwife, and myself) decided it would be best if we started doing stretch and sweeps to try and get Jane to come out so that I could avoid any further risk to her if I fainted again. We also set an induction date for 41 weeks instead of 42. That date was for Friday, October 22, 2010.
I had a total of three stretch and sweeps over the course of two weeks. After the third one didn't work, we set an appointment for the Monday after my due date, as well as one for the 21st - the day before my scheduled induction.
Now, here is where my social life comes into play. My best friend, Amanda, and I always go to this bar right by our homes. We usually go Tuesday for karaoke (which we did go to on the 12). Well, the 14th (my due date) was the bartender, Jen's, birthday. She wanted us to come out and see her. So we did.
At the bar everyone was asking when I was due and they all thought I was crazy for going to the bar on my due date (Almost got into a bar fight, too!) (Not even my fault and I chose the self-preservation mode of walking away) We stayed until the bar closed (just after 3am) and everyone there said Jane would arrive on the 15th. I figured I would actually make it to my induction date, given that Alice had been 11 days late when I was induced with her.
Amanda and I both went home and I settled in for whatever sleep I could get...it was around 3:30 when my head finally hit the pillow.
NOW FOR THE LABOUR
I woke up at about 7:30 to the alarm clock. It was time to get up and get Alice ready for school and Mike was getting ready for work. (Mike drives Alice to school in the mornings) Mike was already getting ready for work and was in an out of the bathroom by the time I had the urge for my morning pee. (I hate when that happens) So I waited for Mike to be done. He usually washes and gels his hair before work, it takes some time. For some reason, I decided to look at the clock. No clue why. It was 7:50am. I then laid back and felt this 'bump' in my stomach - as if Jane had a hiccup - but it wasn't followed by another hiccup, it was followed by a gush of fluid.
I stood up, said 'UM!' sat down on the edge of the bed and again said 'UM!' then laid back, hoping to make sure I wasn't just urinating all over myself and said a third 'UM!'. I then said 'Mike?' he answered 'Yes?' and I said 'UM!' He came into the bedroom and looked at me and the bed and I looked at me and the bed. It looked as if my water broke, but I was still in shock and was very unsure.
I wasn't feeling any contractions at all. I was just laying there. I called my mom's house and spoke to my stepdad who then gave me to my mom. She told me to call my midwife then get back to her.
I called my midwife and found out that she was off that weekend so I would be using my secondary midwife - which was actually a team of two women and the one I spoke to on the phone was off duty at 10, so I would get the other one if I went into labour later that day. The midwife didn't seem too concerned that my water broke and that I wasn't feeling any contractions or anything. She reminded me that many people wait hours before labour starts after their water breaks - but that if it didn't happen within 24 hours, I would be induced.
At this point, I was still in shock, but walking around the apartment a bit. Mike asked if it was ok to go to work. I told him to go ahead. I decided not to have Alice taken to school, though. Mike took her to his mom's instead.
I decided to use this time to get a quick shower and wash my hair. I turned on the shower and just as I stepped in, I got the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. Worse than the labour pain with Alice. It was a looooong contraction. I figured that maybe I was just being a baby, as the first contractions aren't 'supposed' to be that bad. I started washing my hair with Alice's 2-in-1 shampoo because I knew I wouldn't have time for a full shampoo and conditioner. I don't know why I knew this, but I did. My second contraction came before I had time to rinse my hair. I got out of the shower and called my midwife.
It was around 9:15am at this point. My midwife asked me how close the contractions were. I told her I didn't know as I hadn't timed them - I was in the shower. I got a contraction while on the phone with her. We waited it out then continued talking. Within what felt like seconds, I had a second contraction. She said 'You're the one whose mom had fast deliveries, right?' I told her that yes, I was - my mom had extremely fast labours with all of us. She told me to get to the hospital for 10:30 (it would take me time to get dressed and grab my bag and get a ride there and contact everyone I had to contact) and that my other secondary midwife would meet me there.
My mom came to take me to the hospital. Mike was leaving work to head to the hospital to meet us there. I couldn't find my shoes, so I just grabbed a pair of ballet slippers and put them in my hospital bag. I couldn't be bothered to put them on with the frequency of contractions (2 minutes apart, each lasting 45 seconds) As we drove to the hospital, I recognized the car in front of us. It was Mike. We honked and waved like idiots.
My mom drove me to the front door and dropped me off. I waddled towards the elevator when a lady's voice called out from behind the information desk 'I'm sorry, you need to put some shoes on, ma'am' I turned, gave her a look, and she realized the situation and said 'never mind'. Smart woman.
I got upstairs and my midwife wasn't there yet. The nurse who took me to my room was very rude. She didn't even lower the hospital bed for me. It was almost chest height. When Mike and my mom got up, I was in the hallways yelling that it hurt. We waited for what seemed like ages for my midwife to show up. I know she got there as fast as she could, but I still hated the wait.
The contractions were still 2 minutes apart at this point, but they were lasting for about a minute each time - so I asked for the magic needle man. It took a bit for him to show up, and he started to insert the catheter into my back before we all realized I wasn't fully frozen. THAT was pretty painful in itself. But after some more local numbing needles, I got my epidural catheter placed nicely.
My dad and my sister came down to see me. We all settled in and expected that I would be there for the rest of the day. Mike and I texted and tweeted to keep people updated. My friend Amanda was working several blocks away and I was texting her as things progressed.
My first cervix check was done at about noon. I was 5 centimeters. We figured it would take a good chunk of the day for labour to continue, so I brought out my mp3 player and music pillow (it has built in speakers) and tried to relax a bit.
After a short while, I let my midwife know that I had some mild back pressure. She checked my cervix and was surprised that she 'couldn't find it' (her words!) She told me to tell her before I felt like pushing so she could call for another midwife to come and assist with the birth. I told her she should probably call her at that point.
It couldn't have been better timing. Pretty much as soon as the second midwife arrived and we were introduced, I started pushing at 1:10pm. At one point, I felt the urge to push even though there wasn't a contraction. My midwife told me to go ahead, as long as I didn't bear down. My body knew what it was telling me. (that was wonderful to hear, especially when compared to my delivery with Alice. The doctors shouted at me to only push with contractions no matter what I felt)
Jane was born at 1:20pm. After ten minutes of pushing. I had gone through all stages of labour within 4 hours. Shortly after delivery, I felt kind of sad that I had an epidural again, but my midwife told me she would have actually recommended it. I had no bag of waters for the whole labour and it was intense. She thinks I would have been too tense to labour as well as I did with the epidural. It was nice to have compassion when I felt kind of down.
Mike got to cut Jane's cord. They asked me to guess her weight. I said probably 8 11 - just because I wanted the 'bragging rights' as my sister had an 8 10 baby. It was awesome when I found out I was right. I had even guessed Alice's weight back when she was born. So far I'm two for two!
After Jane and I were cleaned up and I had mu first cuddle with her, my midwives brought me some toast with peanut butter and Mike got to have his cuddle with her. I had texted Amanda once Jane was born, so she told me she was on her way. I told her to hurry because I would be going home soon. She made it in time and she got to meet Jane before we went home.
I was home by 5:30pm. I didn't want to recover in the hospital. I didn't want to share a room with a stranger, and I wanted to relax in my own bed. Best decision ever.
When I had left the hospital, I had planned on breastfeeding, as Jane latched really well at the hospital. But that's another blog entry.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Hello, All
So again, I will attempt a blog. It's much easier than a video blog for me at the moment, as this doesn't require me to get dressed.
Here's just a 'cole's notes' introduction to me
My name is Emmalene. I am 23 years old and I live in Hamilton, Ontario. That's in Canada for those of you who failed geography. I am married to a wonderful man named Michael and he has given me two beautiful daughters, Alice (born Dec 20, 2005) and Jane (born Oct 15, 2010)
This blog will be kept up to date sporadically. While I do spend lots of time online, I rarely get to sit at the computer for 5 consecutive minutes these days.
On an unrelated, and totally ADHD note, I've just notice that both birth dates for my daughters add up to 2025. (minus the month number)
Here's just a 'cole's notes' introduction to me
My name is Emmalene. I am 23 years old and I live in Hamilton, Ontario. That's in Canada for those of you who failed geography. I am married to a wonderful man named Michael and he has given me two beautiful daughters, Alice (born Dec 20, 2005) and Jane (born Oct 15, 2010)
This blog will be kept up to date sporadically. While I do spend lots of time online, I rarely get to sit at the computer for 5 consecutive minutes these days.
On an unrelated, and totally ADHD note, I've just notice that both birth dates for my daughters add up to 2025. (minus the month number)
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