Yay! Mike and I survived our first Christmas with two kids! It wasn't as hard as we thought, though we did end up leaving a few things behind at some people's houses. Nothing important - and we remembered to bring each child with us each time!
Christmas this year was a lot different than other years, yet very much the same. Usually we open presents and run around to the following - My uncle's, my mother's, my father's, Mike's parent's, home, then somewhere else for dinner (usually Mike's parent's or my dad's house) This year was much more relaxed, even though we really only cut down on two trips - but we only cut out one location.
(I won't get too much into it, but we also kept the Christmas eve tradition of afternoon drinks at my Auntie Trish and Uncle Kevin's place, followed by dinner with Mike's parents)
This was also the first year we didn't have to wake Alice up. She was more than happy to spring awake at 5:30am with her sister while I was heating up the morning bottle. Alice checked her stocking and I had her play with the items in it while I fed Jane. We then woke Mike at 6 and begun opening presents. It took about ha;f an hour...this includes the five seconds it took for Mike to play that stupid 'fireplace' on our new tv. Hilariously cheesy.
After presents, I wanted a nap, but knew it wasn't going to happen, so I had Mike open the champagne so I could make my Christmas morning mamosas. It was rather hard polishing off a whole bottle of champagne given the fact I am the only one in my household who drinks.
At 9am we went to my Uncle Mark's for breakfast. He's my dad's brother. Of all the things we 'cut out' on our Christmas day activities, we could never cut that out. It isn't Christmas without it. Good food and I get to see all of my dad's side of the family in one place. We were told this year that we weren't doing gift exchanges for the kids - so of course, Mike and I are the only ones who thought we might actually stick to that rule this year - and we were, unfortunately, the only people who didn't bring gifts for the other kids - but they honestly don't mind. Christmas is actually about family for my family (though presents are always fun!)
After breakfast we went to Mike's parents. We had to wait for Mike's dad to get home from work - but we didn't have to wait long. He got in around 1pm. We did the gift exchange there and then we took Mike's brother, Matt, home with us. He was going to join us for dinner.
Now, this is where plans changed. 6 months ago I had invited my mom and stepdad over for Christmas dinner. We were going to have tacos. A week before Christmas those plans changed. It was now all up in the air because my sister and her boyfriend finally moved out of my mom's house and my Grandma is in the process of moving in - so mom and Randy had no idea if Grandma would be coming for dinner or staying behind at their house. And if my grandma Did come, we would have had to make her something different for dinner because she hates all things Mexcian. (Yet she is somehow not a racist...)
The plan changed Christmas day. I made an 'executive decision' as I like to call it. I was calling off dinner and just having mom and Randy over for gift exchange. We were going to go down to my dad's for dinner. Darlene always makes a mean meal. And the best gravy I have ever had. It is better than my mom's - yes, I actually admitted it online for the world to see. My stepmother makes better gravy than my mom...but that is only because she makes it nice and thick. My mom's gravy has the same flavour, but the thickness of Darlene's gives it the upper hand.
We went down to my dad's for dinner and we had Mike's bro with us. Mike's bro is a vegetarian, but he isn't the type that you have to fuss around. He doesn't need someone to make special provisions for him when a dinner is made. Dad and Darlene still fussed over it, though - worrying that perhaps he would be hungry if there wasn't enough non-meat foods...but when you think about it, the only meat on the table was the turkey. Everything else was either vegetable, fruit, or bread!
Dinner was great. We did a small gift exchange there and had a couple drinks and relaxed. Alice went downstairs to play with some of my dad's hotwheels (he collects them, but he has a few that Alice can play with). We hung out for a bit and then it was time to take Matt home and put the kids to bed.
The next day is Boxing Day. That's the big Christmas dinner at my mom's house. We see my step sisters and my nephews and the grandmothers and everything. We eat so much food and dessert that would put a fat camp to shame. I drank very little alcohol compared to other years because I have an infant to look after again AND I was having a sleepover with my cousin, Emilija.
We left my mom's around 7 so we could go pick up Emilija. I left my contacnt info for Auntie Rasa, said a quick goodbye to my cousin Vaughan and we were out the door. We watched movies (I had a nap during Magic School Bus) and stayed up talking and watching movies until 3. We both called it a night and the next day Uncle Mark (her dad) came to pick her up to go shopping. It was pretty awesome.
This whole year has been awesome, actually!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Parenthood: Changes with Each Baby
*Please note - I did not write this. I saw it and thought it was cute and decided to re-post. I would give credit to the original author if I knew who they were*
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your... OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your... OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Body Image
I knew this would happen. I didn't know to what extent, but I knew it would happen. I would be unhappy with my postpartum body. And it's not that I'm unhappy about how I look considering I just had a baby a mere 8 weeks ago. It's being unhappy about the unknown - to what extent is my body permanently changed this time?
I finished my pregnancy at 178lbs (80.9 kilos) - much better than the 200lbs (90.9 kilos) with Alice. I also retained stretch marks along the areas I already had them, so I knew more or less where they would shrink to - or at least how to dress to avoid showing them.
Either way, weight loss hasn't been too hard with this pregnancy. Running around after Alice while looking after Jane and yes, skipping a few meals (not on purpose!) and trips to the gym have really helped. I am currently at 144lbs.
My body right now is in a weird stage. I look good with clothes on. My tummy has gone back down to such a state where I look like the average person. But when the shirt comes off, I have issues. I have this extra skin overhang that I really can't remember if I had it with Alice or not. That is what is bothering me. If I remain standing, I don't mind what I see in the mirror - but as soon as I sit and the smallest leaf of my tattoo disappears under that damn skin fold, I start to feel gross.
I know that at the moment I am still not toned, so that probably plays a part, but I have this fear that this skin fold may never go away. I know that after having kids one can't expect to look perfect, but at the same time, I remember how I looked before this pregnancy - and was kind of hoping to have assurance that I could get back to the way I looked - though not the weight I used to be...it was kind of too skinny for me.
I also know that it has only been 8 weeks. I'm talking in weeks because 2 months sounds longer. It actually depresses me - so I have to remind myself that 2 months is only 8 weeks. It took 40 weeks to grow my baby, so I know it will take a while to lose the 40 weeks of change - but I just want to know that things WILL change.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel sexy - something I wasn't able to do until shortly before the pregnancy with Jane. Not because of how my body looked - but because I finally realized how my body looked. I finally found the peace to call myself beautiful without worrying that someone would think I was conceited or arrogant - because we all know that there are people who will call someone out when they call themselves beautiful - and it's usually by someone who can't call themselves beautiful.
I feel like I am cheating myself out of the happiness I should be feeling. I should be focusing on what I've done so far. I've lost a good chunk of my pregnancy weight. I don't look like I had a baby 2 months ago. I am the same shape and weight as many of my friends now. Many people I meet and talk to in public don't even know I have kids - so really, I worry I might be too hard on myself - but I can't help it. I don't feel beautiful.
I finished my pregnancy at 178lbs (80.9 kilos) - much better than the 200lbs (90.9 kilos) with Alice. I also retained stretch marks along the areas I already had them, so I knew more or less where they would shrink to - or at least how to dress to avoid showing them.
Either way, weight loss hasn't been too hard with this pregnancy. Running around after Alice while looking after Jane and yes, skipping a few meals (not on purpose!) and trips to the gym have really helped. I am currently at 144lbs.
My body right now is in a weird stage. I look good with clothes on. My tummy has gone back down to such a state where I look like the average person. But when the shirt comes off, I have issues. I have this extra skin overhang that I really can't remember if I had it with Alice or not. That is what is bothering me. If I remain standing, I don't mind what I see in the mirror - but as soon as I sit and the smallest leaf of my tattoo disappears under that damn skin fold, I start to feel gross.
I know that at the moment I am still not toned, so that probably plays a part, but I have this fear that this skin fold may never go away. I know that after having kids one can't expect to look perfect, but at the same time, I remember how I looked before this pregnancy - and was kind of hoping to have assurance that I could get back to the way I looked - though not the weight I used to be...it was kind of too skinny for me.
I also know that it has only been 8 weeks. I'm talking in weeks because 2 months sounds longer. It actually depresses me - so I have to remind myself that 2 months is only 8 weeks. It took 40 weeks to grow my baby, so I know it will take a while to lose the 40 weeks of change - but I just want to know that things WILL change.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and feel sexy - something I wasn't able to do until shortly before the pregnancy with Jane. Not because of how my body looked - but because I finally realized how my body looked. I finally found the peace to call myself beautiful without worrying that someone would think I was conceited or arrogant - because we all know that there are people who will call someone out when they call themselves beautiful - and it's usually by someone who can't call themselves beautiful.
I feel like I am cheating myself out of the happiness I should be feeling. I should be focusing on what I've done so far. I've lost a good chunk of my pregnancy weight. I don't look like I had a baby 2 months ago. I am the same shape and weight as many of my friends now. Many people I meet and talk to in public don't even know I have kids - so really, I worry I might be too hard on myself - but I can't help it. I don't feel beautiful.
Monday, December 6, 2010
It Finally Happened
Alice was forgotten at school today. Not by me. But by the person who was supposed to get her. I'm not going to say who it is, as it really isn't important. Alice made it home fine and was happy and healthy and no worse for wear, so there is no point in naming the person. But I would like to share the experience of it with you all.
Let's start with some background. Ever since I developed a separated pelvis during my pregnancy and starting fainting/passing out, I have had help both dropping Alice off at school and picking her up. It works pretty smoothly for the most part. There are 5 people in total helping me, so that we can always find someone to pick Alice up when the others cannot make it. There are two people that help more often than others. They are lifesavers.
Normally Alice gets home just after 11:20am. Unless whoever is picking her up stops for lunch with her, but that is normally discussed beforehand.
So imagine my worry this morning when I look at the clock. It is 11:39am and Alice isn't home. Right away my OCD mind (and mom mind, I suppose) jumps to the conclusion that maybe something bad has happened...such as a fender bender. (That's as bad as I let myself think this morning, otherwise I would have lost my mind instead of focusing on figuring out what was taking so long)
I decided to call the house where two of my helpers live. I called and asked if Alice was on her way or if they had brought her home with them. Imagine my surprise when they said 'Oh! Alice! I forgot!' See, I had actually thought the OTHER helper was going to be picking her up, so when the phone was answered I really thought nothing of this one being on the other end.
As soon as we both realized what had happened, I called the school. I asked if Alice was still there and heard a terrifying sentence. "I'm not sure. Let me check" It only took two seconds for the secretary to stand up and see that Alice was laying down on the bench, but to be told "I'm not sure" was definitely not a good thing.
I am actually surprised at how calm and even polite I was with the secretary, as I tend to get my back up rather quickly in situations regarding Alice. I mentioned to the woman that perhaps "Hold on a moment" instead of "I'm not sure" would be much better to use in this circumstance. I then asked her why none of Alice's emergency contacts had not been called yet. She explained that they wait until 11:30 to call emergency contacts for half day students.
I pointed out (again, surprisingly polite for someone like me in a panic) that it was 11:45 and I had not received one call. I also went on to explain that because I had not received a phone call, I had assumed that perhaps something had happened to Alice off of school property (such as a car accident) which caused some extra worry that I could have done without.
The secretary apologized and admitted that she was running behind and promised that if, for any reason, she saw Alice sent to the office at the end of the day, she would call emergency contact number one (my number) right away to double check everything. Fair enough.
I was also very surprised that I was not upset with the person picking Alice up. Unfortunately, in the past, this person has been on the receiving end of my quick temper for things regarding Alice that really, I should not have had as extreme a reaction. ie: When Alice was younger I told her no more juice. Then I saw Alice with a glass of juice. Got upset with this person for giving Alice juice and even yelled. This person had no idea I had told Alice no more juice. They just offered her some because Alice had said she was thirsty and normally giving juice was a non-issue.
But to go from yelling over juice to being ok with a temporary brain fart regarding picking Alice up is actually pretty big for me. Even Mike was surprised (I texted him about it all) I'm also pretty sure the person dropping Alice off today was surprised when I came to the door with a smile instead of anger...but I'm glad they didn't mention it haha. (I guess this is that whole 'maturity' thing my parents always told me about)
In the end, I'm actually semi-glad this happened. I got to test out how Alice's school handles the situation, and even custom tailor it to my preferences. Alice was fine and knew that she was in a safe place. She was all smiles when she came home and even laughed about it. Now, as long as we don't make a habit of it, I'm sure we'll forget about this, or at least have to remind ourselves of it so we can laugh over it years from now.
Let's start with some background. Ever since I developed a separated pelvis during my pregnancy and starting fainting/passing out, I have had help both dropping Alice off at school and picking her up. It works pretty smoothly for the most part. There are 5 people in total helping me, so that we can always find someone to pick Alice up when the others cannot make it. There are two people that help more often than others. They are lifesavers.
Normally Alice gets home just after 11:20am. Unless whoever is picking her up stops for lunch with her, but that is normally discussed beforehand.
So imagine my worry this morning when I look at the clock. It is 11:39am and Alice isn't home. Right away my OCD mind (and mom mind, I suppose) jumps to the conclusion that maybe something bad has happened...such as a fender bender. (That's as bad as I let myself think this morning, otherwise I would have lost my mind instead of focusing on figuring out what was taking so long)
I decided to call the house where two of my helpers live. I called and asked if Alice was on her way or if they had brought her home with them. Imagine my surprise when they said 'Oh! Alice! I forgot!' See, I had actually thought the OTHER helper was going to be picking her up, so when the phone was answered I really thought nothing of this one being on the other end.
As soon as we both realized what had happened, I called the school. I asked if Alice was still there and heard a terrifying sentence. "I'm not sure. Let me check" It only took two seconds for the secretary to stand up and see that Alice was laying down on the bench, but to be told "I'm not sure" was definitely not a good thing.
I am actually surprised at how calm and even polite I was with the secretary, as I tend to get my back up rather quickly in situations regarding Alice. I mentioned to the woman that perhaps "Hold on a moment" instead of "I'm not sure" would be much better to use in this circumstance. I then asked her why none of Alice's emergency contacts had not been called yet. She explained that they wait until 11:30 to call emergency contacts for half day students.
I pointed out (again, surprisingly polite for someone like me in a panic) that it was 11:45 and I had not received one call. I also went on to explain that because I had not received a phone call, I had assumed that perhaps something had happened to Alice off of school property (such as a car accident) which caused some extra worry that I could have done without.
The secretary apologized and admitted that she was running behind and promised that if, for any reason, she saw Alice sent to the office at the end of the day, she would call emergency contact number one (my number) right away to double check everything. Fair enough.
I was also very surprised that I was not upset with the person picking Alice up. Unfortunately, in the past, this person has been on the receiving end of my quick temper for things regarding Alice that really, I should not have had as extreme a reaction. ie: When Alice was younger I told her no more juice. Then I saw Alice with a glass of juice. Got upset with this person for giving Alice juice and even yelled. This person had no idea I had told Alice no more juice. They just offered her some because Alice had said she was thirsty and normally giving juice was a non-issue.
But to go from yelling over juice to being ok with a temporary brain fart regarding picking Alice up is actually pretty big for me. Even Mike was surprised (I texted him about it all) I'm also pretty sure the person dropping Alice off today was surprised when I came to the door with a smile instead of anger...but I'm glad they didn't mention it haha. (I guess this is that whole 'maturity' thing my parents always told me about)
In the end, I'm actually semi-glad this happened. I got to test out how Alice's school handles the situation, and even custom tailor it to my preferences. Alice was fine and knew that she was in a safe place. She was all smiles when she came home and even laughed about it. Now, as long as we don't make a habit of it, I'm sure we'll forget about this, or at least have to remind ourselves of it so we can laugh over it years from now.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Routine?!
So, recently I have been trying to get into the swing of things. Well, actually, I have being trying to figure out what the swing of things actually is! Jane is slowly starting to realize the difference between day and night. She was doing well at the beginning, but some 'bad' choices, on my part, regarding trying to lull her to sleep during sleep deprivation, she has decided that night time is her favourite time.
It hasn't been until the past two nights that she has gone down at a more humane hour. Last night was 2am. The night before that was 3:30am. I am hoping to have a 1:30-2am bedtime tonight as well.
My anti psychotics have kicked in (I hate how mentioning them makes me sound crazy haha) and I have recently started my Dexedrine again. I didn't want to start it for a few reasons. One is the cost. It's over a dollar a pill. Not much more than a dollar a pill, but still, it costs enough. The second reason is the gut rot. This pill causes extreme stomach pain once it kicks in. It's not that it hurts as soon as the capsule breaks open, more like it makes your stomach hate you when you decide to put food in it - which is actually one of the reasons they use Dexedrine to help obese people try to control what they eat. The third and last reason is this - the full name of this medication is dextroamphetamine. It has similar stimulant properties to methamphetamines - meaning it really keeps you awake (a reason fighter pilots are given Dexedrine on long flights). So not only am I dealing with a baby that doesn't want to sleep, I face physical exhaustion from Jane while my mind is still running a mile a minute.
The reason I have decided to go back on it is that I need it in order to be an effective parent. Alice's routine is suffering. She has had the same daily routine for years now. Mike and I knew that a second child would change it, but the possibility of forming a new, similar routine would be next to impossible when I can't even get myself dressed in under an hour.
The lack of ambition I face with my ADHD also would rob Jane of establishing a schedule. I am a firm believer that a happy, healthy child is the result of routine. Not a strict routine, but a routine where there are a few non-variables, such as morning routine, bedtime routine, and responsibilities around the home.
I also found myself being unable to prepare a proper meal for Mike, Alice, and I. And while Mike is able to feed himself both at work and home, there were a few days where, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to make a full dinner. When it comes to Alice, she would come home from school and normally be given lunch by me. Lately I have just been giving her a bag of chips or some random junk type item instead of even making something as simple as a sandwich. And it's not because I'm tired - it's a total lack of ambition to get things done. And as for myself, I would be too lazy to actually make anything for myself as well...or to even heat up anything I previously made. For the 4th week of Jane's life, I survived on a cup of instant coffee and half a peanut butter sandwich. It got to the point during the 5th week where I felt so weak I was afraid I would drop Jane because my blood sugar was so low. (I'm hypoglycemic and really require constant healthy food to keep my blood sugar constant)
I picked up my Dexedrine prescription this past Monday. I am dealing with the stomach pain and alert brain as best I can. I am super thankful for time zones and Yahoo messenger. If it wasn't for Emma and Jenn, I would be insane by now. Nothing is better than having someone to talk to while you're up in the middle of the night with a baby that is cranky because she is both tired and hungry.
I'm hoping it doesn't take long to become accustomed to my Dexedrine again. I had been on it for years previous to this pregnancy, and continued to take it during my pregnancy with Alice so I could complete school. I never realized how accustomed I was to the side effects before this. I am currently in a place between productiveness and lack of ambition. It's a sign that it is starting to work. With any hope, I will be figuring out our new routine. That is until Jane decides to do the whole baby thing and change it up all over again!
It hasn't been until the past two nights that she has gone down at a more humane hour. Last night was 2am. The night before that was 3:30am. I am hoping to have a 1:30-2am bedtime tonight as well.
My anti psychotics have kicked in (I hate how mentioning them makes me sound crazy haha) and I have recently started my Dexedrine again. I didn't want to start it for a few reasons. One is the cost. It's over a dollar a pill. Not much more than a dollar a pill, but still, it costs enough. The second reason is the gut rot. This pill causes extreme stomach pain once it kicks in. It's not that it hurts as soon as the capsule breaks open, more like it makes your stomach hate you when you decide to put food in it - which is actually one of the reasons they use Dexedrine to help obese people try to control what they eat. The third and last reason is this - the full name of this medication is dextroamphetamine. It has similar stimulant properties to methamphetamines - meaning it really keeps you awake (a reason fighter pilots are given Dexedrine on long flights). So not only am I dealing with a baby that doesn't want to sleep, I face physical exhaustion from Jane while my mind is still running a mile a minute.
The reason I have decided to go back on it is that I need it in order to be an effective parent. Alice's routine is suffering. She has had the same daily routine for years now. Mike and I knew that a second child would change it, but the possibility of forming a new, similar routine would be next to impossible when I can't even get myself dressed in under an hour.
The lack of ambition I face with my ADHD also would rob Jane of establishing a schedule. I am a firm believer that a happy, healthy child is the result of routine. Not a strict routine, but a routine where there are a few non-variables, such as morning routine, bedtime routine, and responsibilities around the home.
I also found myself being unable to prepare a proper meal for Mike, Alice, and I. And while Mike is able to feed himself both at work and home, there were a few days where, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to make a full dinner. When it comes to Alice, she would come home from school and normally be given lunch by me. Lately I have just been giving her a bag of chips or some random junk type item instead of even making something as simple as a sandwich. And it's not because I'm tired - it's a total lack of ambition to get things done. And as for myself, I would be too lazy to actually make anything for myself as well...or to even heat up anything I previously made. For the 4th week of Jane's life, I survived on a cup of instant coffee and half a peanut butter sandwich. It got to the point during the 5th week where I felt so weak I was afraid I would drop Jane because my blood sugar was so low. (I'm hypoglycemic and really require constant healthy food to keep my blood sugar constant)
I picked up my Dexedrine prescription this past Monday. I am dealing with the stomach pain and alert brain as best I can. I am super thankful for time zones and Yahoo messenger. If it wasn't for Emma and Jenn, I would be insane by now. Nothing is better than having someone to talk to while you're up in the middle of the night with a baby that is cranky because she is both tired and hungry.
I'm hoping it doesn't take long to become accustomed to my Dexedrine again. I had been on it for years previous to this pregnancy, and continued to take it during my pregnancy with Alice so I could complete school. I never realized how accustomed I was to the side effects before this. I am currently in a place between productiveness and lack of ambition. It's a sign that it is starting to work. With any hope, I will be figuring out our new routine. That is until Jane decides to do the whole baby thing and change it up all over again!
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