Unravelling

I have no clue if this has happened overnight or if it's ust been happening so slowly that it was impossible to notice.

I really don't want to rag on Alice but I am completely at my wits end right now. For the past few weeks it seems she has forgotten EVERY SINGLE RULE in our household. She leaves clothes on the floor. She eats away from the dinner table. She takes out multiple toys at a time. She keeps putting her fingers in her sister's mouth. She drew on the tv. She also refuses to let me change her earrings - and has since lost one and the hole decided to close up in the back.

Mike and I have tried to approach it from the 'perhaps this is how jealousy is manifesting. We have been spending more time with her one on one and also letting her know how big a help she is - she also still does not seem jealous at all!

Now I am just convinced that we've let her schedule slip so much and it is causing unrest. And while the fault lays squarely with Mike and I, it doesn't get rid of the frustration of dealing with her. I want to say we are doing our best at a schedule, but to be perfectly honest I am having trouble keeping to one. I just don't have the energy or the drive at the moment. My lungs hurt. I have a baby who is awake more and more. I have a 5 year old who needs more attention than ever each day.

I feel like I am sinking. I love my kids dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I just want to scream most days now. It doesn't help that Mike seems to be getting comfortable in going back to how it was before Jane was born - as in not really thinking much help needs to be offered and leaving me frustrated by the time I have to ask for help. And yes, I guess I should be asking him for help sooner, but I keep hoping that he'll figure it out on his own.

And I mean, it's not like I'm jumping on him as soon as he gets home. I let him come home and relax for as long as he needs - and many days he has to drive Alice somewhere before he gets to relax.

There is no ONE person to blame for the way I'm feeling just as it will take all of us to fix this - but I don't know where too start. It feels like we're only talking about how to fix some of the issues instead of actually fixing them.

It could also be the PMS.