"Single" Motherhood

I suppose, now that Mike and I are separated, I would technically be classed as a single mother. I can honestly say that that is a title I had never in a million years thought I would have. It almost still seems like such a taboo title - even though many households are headed by a single parent.

This post is to talk about how the girls are handling the split up of their once happy parents. This isn't to get into what happened - just to say how they are handling it. More so Alice than Jane, as this will really be the only way she knows it - which is very sad when I think about it like that.

Alice is often described by people as being wise beyond her years. They have to remind themselves they are taking to a five year old, at times. She grasps many concepts and ideas that take many of us years to master, yet still fails to grasp other seemingly basic concepts that some of her peers have managed.

Because of her adept observation skills, she has been aware of what is going on. And because of those same skills, Mike and I haven't really kept her out of it. She has been asking questions and I have been answering them as best I can. I can't speak for Mike, but I am sure she has asked him a few things as well.

Her most common question at the start was "Who is going to take care of us" (us being her and Jane). We assured her that it would still be us taking care of her, but just in different ways. She has asked where she will live, why we don't like each other anymore, and if she is getting more moms and dads like I have.

The answers aren't easy because she has never really been happy to be told "I don't know". Other times I can't bring the answer down to a level she can understand. One answer I don't want to tell her until she is older.

So far we have focused on the 'positives' in the situation. She gets another room - she is hoping to decorate it with Mike. I don't know if she has told him this or not. She gets another pool that she can swim in year round. We have a 'girl club' in my apartment now as it is just us girls. She gets to help me paint my room (after picking out a deep, luxurious red...may just paint one wall with it. Very deep) and she still gets to go on trips with both Mike and I in the summer. (Wonderland, anyone?)

Now for the less positive. She has been bottling up a lot. I can tell. She is seriously a mini me. There are things she wants to say - things she wants to ask - but things she is afraid to know the answer, even though the answer isn't what she thinks it is. I can see a lot of guilt on her face when Mike and I have arguments. I let her know each time that she hasn't done anything wrong, but I remember thinking my mom was lying to me when she would tell me and my siblings that back in the day.

Mike and I try our best not to argue in front of the kids. One of us handles it better than the other, but we are both working on it. Especially after the last one. Alice hid her head under a blanket and Jane cried and reached to be picked up for a whole three minutes. That cannot and will not happen again. We are better people than that.

Alice is very strong and while this will affect her, she will be ok and happy and well adjusted. While it wasn't something I ever wanted to do to her, she will be ok.